Poised for a BIG FALL: A letter of thanks to 'Humpty Dumpty' Najib Razak

Written by  Shenaaz Khan

Dear Mr Prime Minister,

I do not wish to interrupt your present massive grave digging exercise, but I feel compelled to extol my gratitude upon your mighty moustached-ness. My self-respect demands it! But instead of prattling on aimlessly, I shall endeavour to catalogue your heaping handfuls of judiciousness.

1. Thank you for your fairness

Time and again, you make certain all Malaysians, young and old, men and women, ill and well, get an equal taste of the sweet savour of tear gas. The intoxicating blend of bronchial obstruction and optical inflammation should by no means be a luxury solely relished by the weak of heart and the blind of eye!

And you made sure of that several sunny Saturdays ago, while Malaysians were merry-making in yellowy yarns under the scorching heat. Fearful of them availing themselves to melanoma, you commanded your constabulary to orchestrate orgies of obliteration with showers of asphyxiating fluid. After all, Malaysians must be made to forcibly understand the merits of chemical carnage for jaundiced jaunts. Nothing like a Power Shower to help open up ones pores.

2. Thank you for the entertainment

I am certain the only reason you fill your cabinet with a platoon of feebleminded dumb dumbs is for sheer entertainment value. It was especially kind of you to employ your cousin, that Beacon of Buffoonery, who appears to have honed the fine art of shooting himself in the foot while said foot has taken up permanent residency in his vacuous mouth! He has, for all intents and purposes, the intellectual capacity of a stapler and should only be allowed to oversee flower arrangements.

Your other parliamentary Pinocchios’, ministry minions and government gnomes are also a hoot and a half. Those worthy of special mention are the blockhead of Kota Belud, the hand smooching half-wit of Hulu Selangor and of course the chief chimp buccaneer of UMNO Youth. That these regular Charlie Chaplins’ are allowed to roam at large in a civilised country is simply hilarious!

Another one of your despotic disciples with dazzling comic timing is of course the Fatwa Council. Amidst their hourly ablutions, the funny Fatwa folk doth protest too much, on protests. Understandably though, for the Holy Writ has cautioned that assembled mobs may break into meditative mayhem and God forbid, some frenzied form of protestutional yoga might ensue. And as we all know, behind every Yoga pose, is THE LGBT!!

Equally farcical are your component parties which remain very much like a left foot in an automatic car -useless and without function. But they’re always worth a laugh!

3. Thank you for hating “The Opposition”!

It is this revulsion that drives you to foil “The Oppositions” ominous aims of democratising and freeing this former British crown colony with their sinister socialism. To have to repeatedly heave yourself out of bed and dip into your pot of plots to uncrown these freedom fiends must be mentally menacing but I do see its merits. I have to say your latest scheme is simply scholarly. To accuse “The Opposition” of orchestrating a coup d’etat is too de brilliant! One might argue that a coup is typically done by the military and the military is known to be firmly jammed under your fascist feet, right next to the Federal Constitution and press freedom. But those democratic donkeys from “The Opposition” are notorious for overthrowing governments using dragons, unicorns and very ripe turnips, so watchful one must be of their impending treachery! Also, beware of a gnat with a lavender wand.

Another Grand villain you ought to be wary of is this newfangled invention called “The Internet”. “The Internet” appears to be in cahoots with “The Opposition” and has made several notable attempts at disrupting and disputing your league of lying louts. “The Opposition” have even deigned to call you Hitler! But in doing so, they have displayed a depressing level of stupidity by overlooking one glaring difference- your name begins with an “N”, not an “H”. HAH! Those perfidious knaves! They must be banished!!

4. Thank you for curing insomnia

Your dull and dreary speeches, laced with the cursory hog-calling chant of 1 Malaysia, with an expression much like an ape with a stomach ache, are sedatively divine! You have the caustic wit and physical presence of Louis the 16th and on occasion, Eeyore! Of late, it does seem like your advisors (i.e. carers of your moustache) have recommended you pump your all too powerful fists in the air, exercise your foul facial muscles and make audible hollering sounds, using various words from the Indian sub-continent. I would advise you to stop doing that. It unsettles my solar plexus and disturbs my otherwise sound sleep.

5. Thank you for your generosity

Your “pay-the-poor-pittance” BR1M movement was an incalculable act brimming with generous bravado. It was touching to see the jingo patriots genuflect their government gargoyles of greatness, while the elderly were made to stand in queuing herds, begging for money from the very bandits who routinely stole it from them. Like a true Champion of Chumps, you used the people’s piggy bank to piggyback the people whose pursers you previously pillaged!

I suppose it is this fine sense of commerce that has permitted you to broker a windfall from watercraft ventures. While others may deride you with derogatory adjectives for the purchase of mechanical mermaids, I see its usefulness in helping you submerge yourself further in the cesspool of corruption you currently marinate in! Your mastery at making many monies through aquatic acquisitions has inspired parallel deeds by your fellow party pirates. Why, it clearly stirred the Husbandry Husband of an erstwhile Madam Minister to take borrowed funds to buy buildings for bovines. This seems completely apt in this bullish economy.

6. Thank you for helping Malaysians lose weight

I, much like many Malaysians, can’t seem to view you without experiencing revolting nausea. Your jolly jingle, “Nation on my mind, people in my heart”, induces vomit in my throat! And visions of your fair lady comforting the whimpering poor with her bejewelled arms are always a bulimic bonus. Her heavily doctored presence alone heals hunger and leaves me enlightened with a heavy head of weightlessness. Her clunky adornments also help repel taste.

I could go on but I am suddenly overcome with utter laziness. So Thank you MR. Prime Minister! Thank you so very much! The perils of being a premier louse are endless but you remain true to yourself. That of a man whose vision is veiled by vile vengeance.

A man who idly shakes his cloven hooves while his grandchildren’s grandmother greedily gobbles gallons of gold. A man, who amidst a womary of deceptive delusions, claims to speak the truth.

But I dreadfully fear no one is spellbound by your spiel and you’re in a Humpty Dumpty dump! Hence all that is left to do is present you a botanical offering with a card that reads “Your lease is up BN. Prepare to vacate the premises”! And let the embalming begin!

From : Malaysia Chronicle

The world now knows about Najib's 'baggage' thanks to NST's 'cheap' reporting trick

It's an encounter that has gone into the folklore of our diplomatic service.

An Australian envoy meeting a senior Malaysian official heard a familiar complaint about critical coverage of his country's politics in the Australian media.

He snapped back: ''The media in Australia are not owned or controlled by the government,'' the envoy said. ''Here they all are, and throughout my time here, I've never seen a favourable report about Australia.''

Umno sent NST to 'work on' Xenophon

Senator Nick Xenophon, who went up last month to join an international team looking at Malaysia's electoral system, has just had a personal lesson in just how slanted and hostile its media can be. After the team published a highly critical report, the New Straits Times newspaper, owned ultimately by the ruling United Malays National Organisation or UMNO, went to work on him.

It took a passage from one of his old parliamentary speeches on a favourite topic - ''Scientology is not a religious organisation. It is a criminal organisation that hides behind its so-called religious beliefs'' - and substituted the world ''Islam'' for ''Scientology'' throughout. It's hard to think of a cheaper reporting trick in a strongly Muslim country.

Malaysia no longer what it seems

Australians often trip rather too naively into Malaysia's murky political world. Succumbing to the happy multicultural story of ''Malaysia - truly Asia'' a lot of us don't see the deep racial fears and antipathies swirling in the country's history and heating its politics even today.

Malaysia is a country of great wealth and many competencies, but despite decades of high growth still falls behind its potential because it hasn't yet shaken itself free of its poisonous beginnings. Riven by massive fraud, waste and economic distortion, it is a country of religious zeal, yet as noted by Bridget Welsh, a political scientist at the Singapore Management University, its political life is dirty.

''Murder, sodomy, secret trysts, sex videos and conspiracy are all commonplace, and corruption scandals occur regularly,'' she wrote on the East Asia Forum website recently. ''Both sides wallow in this political gutter, each trying to darken the reputation of the other, and not fully appreciating how much the system as a whole has been damaged.''

Najib came with a lot of baggage

Australia and Australians have often been a convenient diversion from this domestic mudslinging, with sniping reaching low points in the 22 years of Mahathir Mohamad's prime ministership.

It's getting testy again as Malaysia's current Prime Minister, Najib Razak, heads towards a critical national election trying on one hand to preserve the ethnic dominance endowed in UMNO and on the other to reform the discredited underpinnings of that power.

Najib took the prime ministership after the UMNO-led ruling coalition suffered a big setback in the last elections, in March 2009, losing the two-thirds majority in Parliament that allowed it to make constitutional amendments and control five of the 13 states to a three-party opposition alliance put together by UMNO's alienated former deputy prime minister Anwar Ibrahim.

Najib came with a lot of baggage - notably a kickback scandal on French submarines purchased while he was defence minister, about which two examining magistrates in Paris would like to interview him - but he's tried to wield a new broom.

Reforms that don't work

A new economic policy is aimed at watering down preferences for ethnic Malays. Stakes have been sold off in bloated public sector enterprises to try to make them more efficient. Last month, the government repealed the colonial-era Internal Security Act, which allowed indefinite detention without trial, and it changed the public assembly law.

But the reforms haven't resulted in much perceptible change. The UMNO membership is resisting a loss of Malay perks, entrenched cultures remain in public enterprises like the national airline, and a replacement security law has been widely condemned by local and international human rights groups as wide open to similar abuse as the old one.

One result has been that Najib's personal approval has been running at a high 69 per cent in the opinion polls, while the UMNO coalition's support has been a lacklustre 46 per cent or so, suggesting the public give Najib marks for trying but don't think his efforts will work. About a third of those favouring Najib say they will still vote for Anwar's opposition.

What could be, won't be with Najib at the helm

Najib's support also has flicked sharply downwards when familiar instruments of repression are wielded. A movement for electoral reform called Bersih (meaning ''Clean'') led by a doughty woman barrister, Ambiga Sreenavasan, has had its demonstrations declared illegal and then met with massive police force. The latest was in Kuala Lumpur last Saturday, attended by tens of thousands. Xenophon and other observers shared in a dousing with tear gas and water cannon.

Bersih's concerns are echoed by the foreign observer group. The electoral system gives wide scope for gerrymandering, with electorate sizes ranging from 7000 to 100,000 voters. Suspiciously, numbers of new voters, over 30 per cent of the previous total, are being registered in opposition-held electorates. Party monitors have just been barred from scrutinising the eligibility of intending voters at polling stations.

Armed force and police personnel have their votes scrutinised by senior officers, and the 240,000 public servants assigned to election duties are required to make postal votes. But strangely, the hundreds of thousands of Malaysians working overseas or employed away from their home towns are not allowed to make absentee votes. A snap poll - a campaign is usually only about 10 days - means a lot of the country's best and brightest won't have time to return to their place of registry.

Bersih's experience with the Malaysian traditional media - owned either by the ruling parties in the case of the newspapers and commercial television, or by politically-directed state broadcasters - illustrates the problem of unequal access to campaign coverage. Before its recent mass demonstrations, media stories have linked it variously to Christian, Jewish and communist conspiracies, and even Islamic extremists.

The internet has given outlets for opposition voices and analysis that reach urban, well educated voters. But rural people get only the slanted pro-government media, at best anodyne, at worse mendacious.

Xenophon's experience suggests the settings won't change for the election Najib seems about to call. It's a pity, given what Malaysia could be.

http://www.smh.com.au/

10 Things Found Only In Malaysia

Original Post:  The Malaysia Chronicle

LETTER A few months ago I moved to Malaysia in Southeast Asia. Although it is not a large country with no abundant reserves of oil, it has been able to build a solid economy and achieved a large level of development and progress

During my stay in Malaysia, I noticed things that were not found in any other country I have been to and it is not difficult to get used to them. But they draw a smile on the face any foreigner visiting Malaysia because of their uniqueness Let us go through the ten things that are found only in Malaysia

(1) You should take a train to get your luggage: The first thing that surprised me at the airport in Malaysia that, despite its small airport compared to other airports , the passenger takes the subway for a few time to get to the luggage space and passport check point. I have never seen this somewhere else.

(2) Be aware of yellow lines: When you drive in Malaysia, you will notice a lot of yellow lines on the road indicating a bump and uneven ground that may heavily shake the car. What is ridiculous is that these lines indicate that the Government was aware of such defects in the streets but instead of carrying out some maintenance, they paint as a warning.

(3) A bottle of beer costs you as much as a slice of meat: This was the trap I fell in when I ordered a beer besides the meal , then turned out that I paid for two meals ! So why all these taxes on alcohol?

(4) "Halal" on the fridge: You can find old label on everything here and that you do not see in any other country . In a shop power tools ,I saw this sticker on a refrigerator !!.They over use the "halal" label be it on electric appliances or soft drinks

(5) Sepang, but for whom? : One of the beautiful things in Malaysia for me is the Formula racing tournament. It is very nice to live in a country hosting a round of the world F1 races . However, what distinguishes Malaysia is that when you talk to people about F1 racing , it is clear that no one watches or is interested in this sport. For the past several months, I have been trying to explain to the owner of an Indian restaurant what F1 is and I kept buying stuff to watch the race on his TV. Since generally nobody is interested in the F1 race, I wonder why they host the race ?

(6) Malaysians, I love them! It is the only country where people prefer foreign gas stations not because of the good services or quality of the gasoline sold, but just because some people do not support the government so they do not buy gas from governmental gas stations. This is what I have seen and told by some friends there. And I do not agree with this .

(7) Frequent rain but no clean water: Usually ,the main problem of any country is the lack of rain and low water levels, but Malaysia's problem is different; meaning that rainfall is abundant too, but you simply cannot drink water directly from the tap because the water treatment plant is Off " for a few years" and this is what forces the purchase of water despite the availability and abundance.

(8) Four languages and he is not a professor: the only country where I have seen a man who could speaks four languages fluently but works in a supermarket. The surprising part is that he is only a salesman and not a professor at one of the English, Malaysia, Indian or even Chinese universities which are the languages of more than half the world.

(9) Swimming in full dress: I have visited many of the beaches of Malaysia and the thing that struck me most about those beaches is that many of the men who swim are wearing full dress, why would a man swim wearing his T-shirt. This is something I have seen only in Malaysia.

(10) Celebrations of Muslims Buddhist, Hindu and Christians: This ethnic mix is wonderful and cannot be found elsewhere. I celebrated with Christians, and Muslims and Chinese. It is great to be able to celebrate all of these religions in one country. It is only found in Malaysia.

Alaa Soleiman hails from the Middle East and is temporarily based in Malaysia. He reads Malaysia Chronicle.

Racial discrimination in Malaysia: Don't believe? Then look at the list ...

FROM THE BLOGS Discrimination of Non-Malays in Malaysia is plain racist. There is a list that is common knowledge to a lot of Malaysians, especially those who are non-Malays (Chinese, Ibans, Kadazans, Orang Asli, Tamils, etc.) and who have been racially discriminated against.

Figures in this list are merely estimates, so please take it as a guide only. The government of Malaysia has the most correct figures. Is government of Malaysia too ashamed to publish their racist acts by publishing racial statistics?

This list covers a period of about 48 years since independence (1957).

List of racial discrimination ( Malaysia ):

(1) Of the five major banks, only one is multi-racial, the rest are controlled by Malays.

(2) 99% of Petronas directors are Malays.

(3) 3% of Petronas employees are Chinese.

(4) 99% of 2000 Petronas gasoline stations are owned by Malays.

(5) 100% all contractors working under Petronas projects must be of Bumis status.

(6) 0% of non-Malay staff are legally required in Malay companies. But there must be 30% Malay staffs in Chinese companies.

(7) 5% of all new intake for government police, nurses, army, are non-Malays.

(8) 2% is the present Chinese staff in Royal Malaysian Air Force (RMAF), a drop from 40% in 1960.

(9) 2% is the percentage of non-Malay government servants in Putrajaya, but Malays make up 98%.

(10) 7% is the percentage of Chinese government servants in the entire government (in 2004); a drop from 30% in 1960.

(11) 95% of government contracts are given to Malays.

(12) 100% all business licensees are controlled by Malay government, e..g. Taxi permits, Approved permits, etc.

(13) 80% of the Chinese rice millers in Kedah had to be sold to Malay controlled Bernas in 1980s. Otherwise, life is made difficult for Chinese rice millers.

(14) 100 big companies set up, owned and managed by Chinese Malaysians were taken over by government, and later managed by Malays since 1970s, e.g. UTC, UMBC, MISC, Southern Bank etc..

(15) At least 10 Chinese owned bus companies (throughout Malaysia in the past 40 years) had to be sold to MARA or other Malay transport companies due to rejection by Malay authorities to Chinese applications for bus routes and rejection for their applications for new buses..

(16) Two Chinese taxi drivers were barred from driving in Johor Larkin bus station. There are about 30 taxi drivers and three were Chinese in Oct. 2004. Spoiling taxi club properties was the reason given.

(17) 0 non-Malays are allowed to get shop lots in the new Muar bus station (Nov.. 2004).

(18) 8000 billion ringgit is the total amount the government channeled to Malay pockets through ASB, ASN, MARA, privatization of government agencies, Tabung Haji etc, through NEP over a 34 years period.

(19) 48 Chinese primary schools closed down from 1968 - 2000.

(20) 144 Indian primary schools closed down from 1968 - 2000.

(21) 2637 Malay primary schools built from 1968 - 2000.

(22) 2.5% is government budget for Chinese primary schools. Indian schools got only 1%, Malay schools got 96.5%.

(23) While a Chinese parent with RM1000 salary (monthly) cannot get school textbook loan, a Malay parent with RM2000 salary is eligible.

(24) All 10 public university vice chancellors are Malays.

(25) 5% of the government universities' lecturers are of non-Malay origins. This percentage has been reduced from about 70% in 1965 to only 5% in 2004.

(26) Only 5% has been given to non-Malays for government scholarships in over 40 years.

(27) 0 Chinese or Indians were sent to Japan and Korea under the 'Look East Policy.'

(28) 128 STPM Chinese top students could not get into the course to which they aspired, i.e. Medicine (in 2004).

(29) 10% quotas are in place for non-Bumi students for MARA science schools beginning in 2003, but only 7% are filled. Before that it was 100% Malays.

(30) 50 cases in which Chinese and Indian Malaysians are beaten up in the National Service program in 2003.

(31) 25% of the Malaysian population was Chinese in 2004, a drop from 45% in 1957.

(32) 7% of the Malaysian population is Indian (2004), a drop from 12% in 1957.

(33) 2 million Chinese Malaysians have emigrated in the past 40 years.

(34) 0.5 million Indian Malaysians have emigrated overseas.

(35) 3 millions Indonesians have migrated to Malaysia and become Malaysian citizens with Bumis status.

(36) 600,000 Chinese and Indian Malaysians with red IC were rejected repeatedly when applying for citizenship in the past 40 years. Perhaps 60% of them had already passed away due to old age. This shows racism, based on how easily Indonesians got their citizenships compared with the Chinese and Indians.

(37) 5% - 15% discount for a Malay to buy a house, regardless whether the Malay is rich or poor.

(38) 2% is what new Chinese villages get, compared with 98% - what Malay villages got for rural development budget.

(41) 0 temples/churches were built for each housing estate. But every housing estate got at least one mosque/surau built.

(42) 3000 mosques/surau were built in all housing estates throughout Malaysia since 1970. No temples or churches are required to be built in housing estates.

(43) 1 Catholic church in Shah Alam took 20 years to apply to have a building constructed. But they were told by Malay authority that it must look like a factory and not like a church. As of 2004 the application still have not been approved.

(44) 1 publishing of Bible in Iban language banned (in 2002).

(45) 0 of the government TV stations (RTM1, RTM2, TV3) are directors of non-Malay origin.

(46) 30 government produced TV dramas and films always showed that the bad guys had Chinese faces, and the good guys had Malay faces. You can check it out since 1970s. Recent years, this has become less of a tendency.

(47) 10 times, at least, Malays (especially Umno) had threatened to massacre the Chinese Malaysians using May 13, since 1969.

(48) 20 constituencies won by DAP would not get funds from the government to develop. These Chinese majority constituencies would be the last to be developed.

(49) 100 constituencies (parliaments and states) had been racially re-delineated so Chinese votes were diluted for Chinese candidates. This is one of the main reasons why DAP candidates have consistently lost in elections since the 1970s. (update to 2008 needed)

(50) Only 3 out of 12 human rights items are ratified by the Malaysian government since 1960.

(51) 0 - elimination of all forms of racial discrimination (UN Human Rights) has not been ratified by Malaysian government since 1960s.

(52) 20 reported cases whereby Malay ambulance attendances treated Chinese patients inhumanely, and Malay government hospital staffs purposely delayed attending to Chinese patients in 2003. Unreported cases may be 200.

(54) 20 cases every year whereby Chinese drivers who accidentally knocked down Malays were seriously assaulted or killed by Malays.

(55) 12% is what ASB/ASN got per annum while banks fixed deposits are only about 3.5% per annum.

There are hundreds more examples of racial discrimination in Malaysia to add to this list of 'colossal' racism. It is hoped that the victims of racism will write in to help expose this situation.

The Malaysian government should publish statistics showing how much Malays had benefited from the 'special rights' of Malays and at the same time release the statistics which show how minority races are being discriminated against.

Hence, the responsibility lies in the Malaysian government itself to publish unadulterated statistics of racial discrimination.

If the Malaysia government hides the statistics above, then there must be some evil doings, immoral doings, shameful doings and sinful doings, like the Nazis, going on with the non-Malays of Malaysia .

Civilized nations, unlike the evil Nazis, must publish statistics to show its treatment of its minority races. This is what Malaysia must publish.

We are asking for the publication of the statistics showing how 'implementation of special rights of Malays' had inflicted colossal racial discrimination onto non-Malays.

Human Book

Do you believe in 1Malaysia after reading this? What is MCA and MIC doing after all these years. No wonder leaders like Samy Vellu and Ling Liong Sik have been accused of corruption and serving their own self interests.

What we need is a Malaysian Nelson Mandela!

What makes us sick are the Malaysian ‘white’ leaders practising apartied under the nose of the world community and getting away with it. They have the cheek to critisize the White South African regime and yet practise apartied at home. Maybe to camouflage their actions!! Smart? But actually very stupid because they will make Malaysia a failed nation. Not now but later as surely as the sun rises over the horizon.

From : The Malaysia-Chronicle